Approval

Do you seek approval from other people?

If you're like most people, the answer is probably yes. Some of us seek approval more than others. Some of us are constantly seeking approval from our parents, or our bosses, or from peers, or even from people on social media. A lot of us have a story that we weren't approved of by our parents, our teachers, anyone in an authority role, our peers or colleagues. Our brains typically make that mean that therefore, we are unacceptable. To solve for that unacceptability, we feel compelled to constantly seek out approval in order to feel worthy. To feel good enough.

What's the problem with this? Isn't it normal? Well, yes and no. Common? Yes. Accurate? No. We don't need other people to provide us with approval or acceptance. In fact, other people can't provide us with approval or acceptance. Why? Approval and acceptance are feelings, and feelings are only ever generated in our own minds. No one can give us those feelings. We think we generate these emotions from other people, but we're wrong. When we are wanting other people to provide those emotions to us and then blaming them for not giving us those emotions, we are always at the affect of other people and we're powerless.

So what can we do? The first step is: notice and allow. We notice and allow the desire to react, control, or feel needy. For example, the urge to check for new likes, comments and DM's every two seconds. We can also start to notice when we're only feeling good about our work or something we said  if we get positive feedback. Second, we allow those urges to be there, we feel them and then recognize that we are in charge of creating our emotions. All of them. Once you take full responsibility for all of your emotions, that's when you get authority over your life. You can give yourself approval and acceptance as often as you want.

Imagine how differently you'd show up in your relationships, at work, and with your friends if you didn't need approval and acceptance from anyone. We might think we'd act ridiculously if we didn't care, but really the opposite is true. We often act ridiculously when we're trying to get other people's approval and acceptance. What really happens is we just show up fully and openly as ourselves and freely give what we had to offer. We would allow other people to be fully themselves, too. We wouldn't need anyone to act in a certain way, or say the "right" thing in order for us to feel good. It's total freedom and it feels incredible.

If you're ready to start feeling better, book a consultation! It's 45 minutes of changing your brain. Let's go my friends.

 

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