Decisions From Possibility
How to make decisions for the future you want
Why is it so hard to make decisions for ourselves that we’ve never made before? These are decisions that I would classify as "new decisions."
These can be anything from deciding to start exercising when you’ve never lifted weights in your adult life, deciding to use a calendar when you’ve never planned out a day in your life, or even deciding to follow a budget even though you don’t have a clue where to start. Or, investing in that course or that coach. All of these decisions feel really daunting and our immediate reaction is to say 'no.' Why?
We make decisions and we decide what’s right and what’s wrong. What’s “right” or “wrong” is based off of our belief systems from the past. Our brain looks to our past results to see what’s possible for us in the future. If it's something we've never done our brain clams up and says no. way. Not possible. Never done it before. Not interested! But why?
Our brain doesn’t like to create new thinking because new thinking, according to our lower brain, is hard and dangerous. Our lower brain really likes to be efficient. Thinking the same thoughts = efficient. A great example of this is: think back to a time you started a new job or took a class in school that was really challenging. You were probably very focused, grasping to make sense of things and at the end of the day - very tired. That’s because it requires new thinking.
When you go to make a new decision - ESPECIALLY one that you’ve never made before AND it involves money, time, effort and adopting a new identity, your lower brain is like lol no. This is definitely not a good decision. But the other part of your brain - the higher level, conscious brain that is thinking in possibility is saying YES.
Here’s where the pain comes in. In order to get new results you have to think new thoughts and make decisions from possibility, not from your past. Meaning you literally have to override your lower brain’s very well-worn way of thinking with your conscious brain to get to the new decision. Your lower brain will be telling you NO WAY. The whole time while you're considering your new decision AND in the aftermath if you take the leap and say yes to the "new decision."
However, if you say no, you'll feel relief. And that's where things get tricky. It feels good in the moment but what you're saying 'no' to possibility, to growth. Saying 'yes' to new decisions feels harder but it's so worth it. I firmly believe we are here to evolve and grow and become more of who we are. Notice I didn't say better. We're already 100% worthy - growth or stagnation doesn't change that fact, but that's for another post.
Making new decisions for ourselves is disorienting and scary, but it's unbelievably exciting, too. If you want to learn to get from where you are to where you want to be, schedule a consultation! It's totally free, fun and great practice at making new decisions for yourself!
If you’re HORRIFIED by the title, you’re in the right place. Here’s the deal. As a perfectionist, your standard is already SKY high (I know, it doesn’t feel like it). And right now, your sky high standards are the barrier to you taking consistent action. And action IS what’s needed to move the needle on your goal. AND, the most frustrating (and enlightening) truth: your standard will ALWAYS be higher than what you can currently produce when you’re growth-minded. Therefore, if you have goals, you HAVE to learn how to be comfortable with not meeting your own standards. It’s a requirement. When you learn how to embrace the discomfort of not meeting your standards and taking action anyway, you create an unshakeable, quiet confidence. And from this confidence you’ll take consistent action because you KNOW the little steps add up quickly AND in a big way. This is exactly what you’ll learn how to do inside of DONE OVER PERFECT. You can join today.Read More
The NUMBER ONE mistake I see when it comes to calendaring is fantasy planning. Let me give you some examples: You know you’re getting back from a vacation on Sunday night. And you schedule your work day as normal on Monday, and you get a late start and struggle through your Monday. You consistently schedule your days back-to-back-to-back with no breaks, even though you consistently run out of time. You plan things you hope you’ll want to do, or that you think you should do but when it comes time to do them, you bump those things to another day. What all of these examples have in common is you’re planning for the most motivated, energetic, focused, and well-rested version of yourself, instead of the REAL you. Which brings us to the ONE thing your calendar must have: SELF-AWARENESS. Self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires. And I would add, “worts and all.” I think where people get tripped up is, they think their calendar needs to be something to aim for or a representation of who they want to be – because how else will they grow? And I think that’s partially correct. BUT, you have to meet yourself where you’re at, right now. And then add in a little “stretch”. Imagine the compound effect of doing this every week. Your self-concept as someone who honors commitments to herself would SKYROCKET. Your growth? That would also skyrocket. This is the sweet spot, my friend. & this is some of the work I do with my clients. I help them find their baseline that feels doable, that they can be consistent with, and add in the next thing that feels like growth. If following your calendar consistently is something you’d like help with, click here to schedule a free consultRead More
Ending work on time (and I mean both physically working AND thinking about work) will have you enjoying your downtime AND feeling refreshed and ready to head back into work on Monday. The three biggest reasons for NOT ending your work day (or work week) on time are: 1. Doubting that you’ve done enough so you keep doing more and more and more – way beyond what you’ve planned to do for the day. This stems from a lack of self-trust. You don’t trust that your decisions are the right one so you overcompensate by overworking. 2. Over-promising your time. This stems from people-pleasing AND not knowing how to plan well. You want people to think highly of you so you throw out the deadline you think they want to hear (without consulting your schedule and prior commitments first). Which has you taking on way too much for the time period you gave yourself, which will either have you physically overworking OR that work will hang over your head, which leaves you feeling preoccupied, guilty and worried about what other people are thinking about you). 3. Sloppy work habits. This stems from not knowing how to manage your mind and it looks like procrastinating. Feeling frantic so you stop and start a million different tasks. Being really responsive to other people but neglecting yourself. Knowing how to end your work day is a matter of doing four things: 1. Managing your mind (so circumstances like deadlines, emails, and other people’s expectations no longer dictate how you feel) 2. Planning well (so you know that when you say you’ll do something, you can trust that you’ll actually do it) 3. Allowing the urge to people-please (without actually people-pleasing because you’ve decided to let other people be in charge of their own emotions) 4. Noticing when doubt creeps in and honoring your decisions (so you can build deeper levels of self-trust while enjoying your downtime) Have a great weekend! If you loved this and want to take this work deeper click here to schedule a free consultRead More
We need to talk about how you’re putting EVERYTHING ELSE ahead of your well-being (or as I refer to it: your capacity). Here’s what I mean: I want you to imagine you’re going on a road trip. Let’s say you live in Boston and you want to travel to California. When you have a to-do centric view (aka putting everything else ahead of your capacity), as you were getting in the car you’d briefly notice that you were very low on gas, the check engine light is on, and you definitely need an oil change … and oh ya, that tire looked really low. And then you’d blow it off because YOU NEED TO GO. You’d stop for gas right before you ran out and you’d only put 2 gallons in because you have NO TIME TO FILL UP BECAUSE YOU’RE BEHIND! You’d curse your car for not performing well and it would be a long, brutal cross-country trip – with LOTS of stops and possibly even a breakdown along the way. When you have a capacity-centric view (aka putting your capacity first), you’d notice the check engine light was on. You’d notice that you were overdue for an oil change. You’d notice you were low on gas. You’d notice that that tire looked low. And even though it would mean leaving later than you thought you would, you’d make an appointment to take care of all of those things because you know it’s a long trip and your car is the thing getting you there so treating it well is vital to enjoying your trip and getting there as easily as possible. Let’s bring it back to real life. Your gas being low = You’re tired, hungry, or thirsty Your check engine light = Your home is a mess, you haven’t showered, your laundry isn’t done, your dishes aren’t done, and you don’t have any groceries. Your tire pressure is low = You are mentally, emotionally, or physically just not having your best day. How often do you ignore these things? How often do you make yourself WRONG for these things?How often do you tell yourself to suck it up, ignore it, and power through? My friend. It’s time to put your capacity first. & it starts by asking yourself, “What do I need MOST right now?” And giving yourself whatever that is, in whatever capacity you can, without second guessing yourself or talking yourself out of your answer. Taking care of your capacity IS the fast way. It IS the most enjoyable way. It IS the easiest way. And – it’s the logical way. Tend to your capacity first, everything else will be so much easier from there.Read More
When you know what you want to do, but you aren’t doing it, you’re waiting to FEEL like doing it. Waiting to feel motivated. Less tired. More capable. You tell yourself: I have to … I need to … I really should … I could be doing … “… but I really don’t want to.” This is leaving you in Indecision Land. And Indecision Land is exhausting. My friend, there IS a better way. And it’s really simple. Ready? 1. Decide. Are you doing the thing right now? It’s a yes or no question. 2. If yes, make a plan to do that thing. Plans are explicitly clear, highly specific, limited to 1-3 things, and only include small first steps. 3. If no, quit pestering yourself! Enjoy doing anything else. Tired of procrastinating? Schedule a free consult here. On that call you’ll learn the REAL reason why you procrastinate & you’ll receive tangible, clear steps to solve for it.Read More
Here’s my pet peeve with “deep work” / “focus time” First, ADHD. I mean, need I say more. Second, if you think your ability to be successful rests on your ability to do hours of deep, focused work, you’ll be actively delaying your success. And you’re going to feel fucking terrible about yourself. Anything that’s having you tamp down the value you put out – question it. Third, you CAN BE VERY SUCCESSFUL working with distractions, working while your real life is happening, and working in smaller pockets of time. Fourth, working in smaller pockets of time DOESN’T MEAN you aren’t taking your work/business seriously. FIFTH, working on the fly isn’t inferior to batching your work. You don’t need to “take your business more seriously”. FUN is an “action emotion” being serious (most often!) shuts you down – it’s an “inaction emotion.” If you want to take more action … serious isn’t gonna be your bestie.Someone had to call out this load of perfectionistic nonsense and I’m happy to be the one to do it 😉 The end, happy Saturday!Read More
How to stop over-scheduling yourself If work keeps spilling over & you always seem to have way more to get done than you actually have time for, you’re going to want to learn how to set your capacity. Setting your capacity is just like selecting the right sized bowl when you want to bake a cake. You would never expect a cake mix to fit inside a cereal bowl and yet you expect yourself to finish 15 hours of work in an 8 hour work day. You wouldn’t blame the cake mix for not fitting. You wouldn’t think there was something wrong with it. You’d just put it in a bigger bowl! Same with you and your time. It’s not that you aren’t efficient enough. It’s not that you just can’t focus. It’s not that you need more hours in the day. You’re just over-promising your time because you aren’t setting your capacity FIRST. That’s it! It’s an easy fix, I promise. The best time to do start doing this work is right now. Do not wait for a fresh start on Monday. It won’t be any easier then. First, look at what you’ve already committed yourself to this week. Is there anything that you really don’t want to do, truly don’t want to make time for, could be done by someone else? Think outside of the box here. Your knee-jerk answer is going to be NO. When I do this work with my clients and (gently 😉 ) push them to move past their knee-jerk no and think creatively, 99.9 times out of 100 they see at LEAST one thing that they could move, delegate or eliminate. Usually it’s several things. Just start with this week for now. From there, look at your time. How many hours do you already have scheduled? Make a rough estimate, it doesn’t need to be exact. How many hours is it? & how many hours do you WANT to be working? (In the future, this will be your STARTING point – this is a big part of setting your capacity – right now, we’ve gotta work backwards) & how much white space is on your calendar? NOT INCLUDING your time off of work. That … does not count. – A goal I have my clients shoot for is around 25% white space and 75% working space (NOT including lunch). If you’re nowhere near that number – don’t worry. This is a “work up to” goal, not something you need to implement all at once. – If you’re over 75%, block off your remaining free time (omg I know, you hate this suggestion. You WILL thank me later. That’s a guarantee.) – At the end of this week, repeat this process for NEXT week and the following week. It will get easier the farther you go out. – And from there, the work is saying no to new requests, telling people that you’re at capacity, and/or delegating work out. Protect that white space in your calendar like it’s your job. The work I do with my clients is helping them make white space in their calendar so they can work up to 75% (learning how to recognize opportunities that you aren’t seeing now for creating lots more white space – it’s there and I can’t wait to help you see it, too. And once you see it you can’t unsee it.) Then, we work on HOLDING that white space (learning how saying no to requests confidently) And finally, we work on maintaining that white space until it’s your habit (right now your habit is to overbook yourself – you can create a new habit of giving yourself breathing room each week) When you do these three things you can expect to: – Confidently take on work projects on because you know for a fact that you can handle it, you know you’ll get it done when you say you’ll get it done because you know you’ll have the space in your day to focus and get it done – Be more productive while you’re at work. You’ll know exactly where to start, how to stay focused, and you’ll always know what to do next – Leave work on time AND leave work at work. So you can actually recharge and enjoy your downtime If this sounds like you, I’d love to help. Your next step is to schedule your free consult here.Read More
Simply put: your brain’s job is to talk you out of doing anything other than seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, and conserving energy. If you’re trying to do something that you perceive as challenging, new or requiring effort expect that your brain WILL try to talk you out of it. This is completely normal. You aren’t lazy and there isn’t anything wrong with you. EVERYONE procrastinates to some degree. It’s just a healthy, normal function of your brain. In order to get into action easily, you’re going to want to know how to make the thing you want to do easy, effortless, and more familiar. Here’s how: Limit your focus to one thing at a time. Meaning, pick ONE thing that you’ve been avoiding and do this: 1. Picture yourself doing the task, what’s the very first thing you’ll do? 2. Write that first step down and put the rest of your to-do list away (physically and mentally – don’t worry about next steps or anything else on your to-do list) 3. ONLY expect yourself to complete that first step. When you’re done, give yourself permission to stop. That’s it! You can repeat as often as needed until the list of things you’ve been procrastinating on is done. Remember: the key to overcoming procrastination is to make starting easy. P.S. Ready to take this work deeper and learn how to manage your time easily? Schedule your free consult here.Read More
There are 4 stages to being consistent: Possibility, Excitement, Commitment, Habitual Possibility: You think about doing something new, you dream of what your life will look like when you’re doing those things, you buy planners, and you make a plan and maybe a vision board. Excitement: It’s day 1! You’re doing the thing! You’re really doing it! Commitment: It’s boring but you’re in. It’s hard, but you’re doing it. You don’t want to, but you show up anyway. You’re committed but not forcing yourself. This is consistency. Habit: You’ve done it. It’s just easy, automatic part of your day. That doesn’t mean that you always want to, but you do the thing. The shift from possibility to excitement (and doing the thing) can happen in seconds. The shift from excitement to commitment usually needs to happen around day 4. If you don’t settle into commitment and instead rely on willpower, you’ll quit. When you’re stuck in possibility, it looks like: – Deciding you’ll start fresh tomorrow (or maybe next week …) – Feeling like you aren’t really sure what to do. You want to take that step but you don’t really know what step to take. That vision seems too far away so you do something like write a gratitude list. When you’re stuck in excitement (or typically, wondering where your excitement went), it looks like: – Thinking it’s too hard, you can’t do it, and believing something has gone wrong – Forcing yourself to take action anyway by using will power If you don’t know how to shift into commitment, this is where you’ll quit. It takes at least 45 days at a minimum and up to 254 days to shift into that commitment into a habit. You cannot willpower yourself for 45 days, much less 254 days. You cannot willpower your way to a lasting and enjoyable habit. You have to learn how to work with commitment to be consistent. And you have to learn how to work with commitment to get to the habitual phase. This is what I help my clients do. If you’d like help with creating commitment so you can create consistency, schedule a consult here.Read More
This is going to be short and sweet so you can hop into action ASAP (that’s what I’m here to help you do). You know that thing that you’ve been putting off? I’m going to help you move the needle on it, today. You ready? What’s that thing that feels like it’s been hanging over your head? Now that you have it in mind, if you had to guess, what’s the very first thing you would need to do in order to get started on it? Do that thing right now. OR If you absolutely can’t do it right now, I want you to decide when you’ll have it done by today. And write it down. You will want to tell yourself it isn’t enough. That it doesn’t matter. That you can do it later. Or that you don’t know. No. This is how you become someone who always follows through. Decide, even if you don’t think it’s right. Try it out and see. Action = clarity Everything you want in life is completed one seemingly small, insignificant step at a time.Read More