Decisions From Possibility
How to make decisions for the future you want
Why is it so hard to make decisions for ourselves that we’ve never made before? These are decisions that I would classify as "new decisions."
These can be anything from deciding to start exercising when you’ve never lifted weights in your adult life, deciding to use a calendar when you’ve never planned out a day in your life, or even deciding to follow a budget even though you don’t have a clue where to start. Or, investing in that course or that coach. All of these decisions feel really daunting and our immediate reaction is to say 'no.' Why?
We make decisions and we decide what’s right and what’s wrong. What’s “right” or “wrong” is based off of our belief systems from the past. Our brain looks to our past results to see what’s possible for us in the future. If it's something we've never done our brain clams up and says no. way. Not possible. Never done it before. Not interested! But why?
Our brain doesn’t like to create new thinking because new thinking, according to our lower brain, is hard and dangerous. Our lower brain really likes to be efficient. Thinking the same thoughts = efficient. A great example of this is: think back to a time you started a new job or took a class in school that was really challenging. You were probably very focused, grasping to make sense of things and at the end of the day - very tired. That’s because it requires new thinking.
When you go to make a new decision - ESPECIALLY one that you’ve never made before AND it involves money, time, effort and adopting a new identity, your lower brain is like lol no. This is definitely not a good decision. But the other part of your brain - the higher level, conscious brain that is thinking in possibility is saying YES.
Here’s where the pain comes in. In order to get new results you have to think new thoughts and make decisions from possibility, not from your past. Meaning you literally have to override your lower brain’s very well-worn way of thinking with your conscious brain to get to the new decision. Your lower brain will be telling you NO WAY. The whole time while you're considering your new decision AND in the aftermath if you take the leap and say yes to the "new decision."
However, if you say no, you'll feel relief. And that's where things get tricky. It feels good in the moment but what you're saying 'no' to possibility, to growth. Saying 'yes' to new decisions feels harder but it's so worth it. I firmly believe we are here to evolve and grow and become more of who we are. Notice I didn't say better. We're already 100% worthy - growth or stagnation doesn't change that fact, but that's for another post.
Making new decisions for ourselves is disorienting and scary, but it's unbelievably exciting, too. If you want to learn to get from where you are to where you want to be, schedule a consultation! It's totally free, fun and great practice at making new decisions for yourself!
You know what you want to do, you write out your plan, but when it comes time to do it, you don’t follow through. Here’s why: Your plan is: 1. Too vague 2. Not prioritized (you’re trying to do too many things) &/or 3. You’re adding pressure No matter how much you want to do the things you’ve planned, if your plans are vague, not prioritized, or filled with pressure – you won’t follow through. Because, when it comes to doing new things, your brain can only handle a little bit of newness at time. And it really needs that newness to be crystal clear. Think about the last time you started a challenging new job. You probably felt overwhelmed and like you were trying to learn and absorb information faster than your brain could handle, right? And then at the end of the day you felt absolutely exhausted. This is why. Too much newness. Now that we’ve covered planning, let’s talk about the second part of this equation: pressue. If your plans are clear and well-prioritized but you find yourself still not following through, it’s because you’ve added pressure. Pressure comes from telling yourself you have to, or you need to do it right, or that you can’t mess this up. Contrary to popular belief, this kind of pressure shuts you down. Here’s the solution: Plan significantly fewer things, clearly. And have fun with this process! Fun is the opposite of pressure; it speeds you up. You will want to think that one thing isn’t enough and in order to make progress you have to take things seriously. No. If you take nothing else away from this post, please hear this: Fun (or joy, lightness, ease – pick the flavor that works for you) is the number one fast-action emotion. If you can tap into fun, you will get things done easily. This is a skill you’re building. Once you know how to do one new thing, with joy, you will know how to do ANY new thing, consistently. You can rinse and repeat until you have your entire morning routine, workout habit, or goal. It IS that simple. Be willing to tap into fun first, slow down, and do less, well. It WILL pay dividends. If you want to learn how to do this, I want to invite you to schedule a consult.Read More
You know what you want to be doing, but you’re just not doing it. Do you feel like all you do is try, fail, and wind up in the same place, over and over again? Like you’re just spinning your wheels and not making any real progress? This is because you’re using the same old tools to try to create a new result. It would be like using bread, peanut butter, and jelly to make a steak dinner. When you’re using the same tools this will lead you to getting the same result, no matter how excited you are in the beginning and no matter how much you think this time will be different. Here’s how to know for sure if this is you. You think: You’re just bad at following through. You never do what you say you will. You’re too busy, when life slows down, then you will … It’s too hard. You’re just not the type of person who can _____ (work out, eat healthy, keep your house clean, stay on top of deadlines, be organized, etc.) insert any of your desired habits or routines here. You never saw an example of this new habit growing up, i.e. my parents were terrible with money and they never taught me how to be good with money. These beliefs are your same old tools. And unless we change them, they will keep creating the same old result that you don’t want. The common theme with your old tools? Your inability to do what you want to do is out of your control, either due to your life circumstances or because you are fundamentally flawed. If you think the problem is out of your control, you’ll also think the solution is out of your control. Here’s your coaching truth of the day: You’re the problem and you’re also the solution. Here are the actual problems: Overwhelming yourself by not prioritizing (because you don’t know where to start and thinking that everything is important) Trying to do way too much at once (I’m looking at those of you trying to create a 10 step morning routine when right now just getting out of the house dressed and remotely on time is a feat – I see you, I WAS you) Not deciding where to start/just starting on one thing Waiting until life calms down Believing there’s something fixed, unchangeable, and inherently wrong with you that affects your ability to do the things you want to do When these are the tools you’re using, no matter how badly you want to change, you’ll feel overwhelmed and defeated. And when you’re feeling overwhelmed and defeated, you won’t be taking action. These are problems we can actually solve for, unlike when you’re believing it’s your circumstances or that there’s something wrong with you. Here are the new tools to use to solve for your actual problem: Prioritize Start small Start now Trust that there’s nothing wrong with you; you’ve just been trying to use bread, peanut butter, and jelly to create a steak dinner. You just need the right tools to create the new result. So, take out that to-do list. Prioritize it. Pick the smallest thing and get started today ALL while trusting and believing that you can totally do this. Your past has nothing to do with what you can create starting NOW. If you loved this and you’re ready to be the woman who does what she says she will, schedule a free consult call to see if we’re a good fit to work together.Read More
You’re not out of control around your phone. You’re just not using the right part of your brain to BE in control. It’s simply a decision – deciding ahead of time what you’ll look at specifically before you grab your phone. Deciding when you want to use it. Deciding when you won’t use it. And then trusting yourself that you’ll honor that decision. This is how you follow through with anything that you want to do, from using social media less, creating a workout habit, or the morning routine of your dreams. No complicated plan necessary. Ready to be the boss of your brain so you can be the boss of your phone? Schedule a consult. I’ll show you where you’re delegating responsibility now and how to take it back so you can feel in charge of your day and how often you’re using your phone.Read More
Simple enough, right? Self-trust. Cultivating and developing self-trust is THE most important step. Trust in yourself. Trust in the process that you’ve decided on. All of the planning and follow through and evaluating in the world won’t create self-trust. That’s because self-trust is created ON PURPOSE. It is not a result of the things you did or didn’t do. Our brains are NOT naturally wired to trust in ourselves. We are wired to doubt and find everything that’s going wrong or that COULD go wrong and will go wrong in the future and to uncover every single possible reason as to why it won’t work and focus on your past and how you’ve never done it before and how you can’t do it. On and on and on. Unless you’re thinking on purpose, your brain WILL offer up these thoughts. It’s your job to notice them, and not believe them. And to know where it’s coming from: your default brain trying to keep you safe. To keep you safe, your brain wants to find and anticipate alllll of the ways things could fall apart. When you’re focused on the ways it could fall apart, you’ll be creating thing that fall apart. Here’s what that looks like: You’ll spin out in, “I don’t know what to do.” And then you won’t decide, on purpose, what to do. You’ll obsess over finding “the right thing to do” and you’ll buy programs, and read books, and buy courses. You’ll amass dozens of options and opinions and then you won’t know which one is right or which one to do. You’ll do this by thinking you’re not doing enough and adding more do your plan, which leads you to not following your plan, and then you’ll make it mean you’re someone who never follows through. When you want to do something new that you’ve never done before, you have to develop self-trust. It is the foundation. It’s not optional. Without it you will try to do new things and keep reverting back to your old ways to keep you safe. P.S. If you want to start practicing self-trust right now, here are my favorite “DONE FOR THE DAY” thoughts that help me shut down the nagging voice that I haven’t done enough: This plan is amazing. This is me creating the life I want. This is it, it’s working. I’m so proud of myself.Read More
There’s what you THINK you need to plan your time, what you ACTUALLY need to plan your time and what’s standing in the way of you planning your time effectively. For the next 3 days, we’re going to dive into the 3 skills you need to have in order to plan your time well so you can stop spending your time on what isn’t working and shift into what will. Let’s start with what you might be thinking it takes to plan your time well: a planner or calendar, identifying what you need to do, and putting those things in your calendar. Depending on which time management strategies you’ve tried before or which programs you’ve purchased, it might be more intricate than this, like: deciding ahead of time how long each thing will take, identifying urgent/not urgent/important/not important, doing, planning, delegating, or eliminating tasks, writing things as what you will produce in that given time, or identifying the five main things you’ll accomplish today – to name a few. These are all great strategies but if you’re here, they probably aren’t working for you. At least not consistently. Here’s why: planning well requires you to consider how you’ll most likely be thinking and feeling (both emotionally and energetically) in the future. AND it requires you to make decisions on what you’ll do in the future, not for who you are now but who you want to become. It’s no wonder that planning well is a challenge! We’re planning for someone we don’t yet know for things we have never done before! And to top it all off, our brains naturally want to fight against us. That’s because our brain likes to repeat the familiar. Anything new that registers as requiring energy, potentially painful in some way (either emotionally or physically), and not full of enjoyment and pleasure, our brain interprets as potentially life threatening. When you want to get frustrated with yourself for not being able to plan better, just remember, you’re fighting your own biology. And like anything else you want to get good at, this is a practice. You will get better! Here’s why you haven’t gotten better with planning yet: you’re judging yourself for not being better. Learning cannot coexist with judgement. Drop into curiousity and see what you can learn about the latest plan you made. What was great about it? What didn’t work as well as you had hoped? What will you learn and take into your next plan? When you’re curious and you drop into learning everything you can from your fails – whether it’s with planning or any goal you’re after – not only does it feel better, but you also create what you want to create much faster (and easier). If you loved this and you want to learn more about how to plan well, schedule a consult to see if we’re a good fit to work together.Read More
There’s what you THINK you need to plan your time, what you ACTUALLY need to plan your time and what’s standing in the way of you planning your time effectively. For the next 3 days, we’re going to dive into the 3 skills you need to have in order to plan your time well so you can stop spending your time on what isn’t working and shift into what will. Let’s start with what you might be thinking it takes to plan your time well: a planner or calendar, identifying what you need to do, and putting those things in your calendar. Depending on which time management strategies you’ve tried before or which programs you’ve purchased, it might be more intricate than this, like: deciding ahead of time how long each thing will take, identifying urgent/not urgent/important/not important, doing, planning, delegating, or eliminating tasks, writing things as what you will produce in that given time, or identifying the five main things you’ll accomplish today – to name a few. These are all great strategies but if you’re here, they probably aren’t working for you. At least not consistently. Here’s why: planning is simply decision making. If you’re not planning consistently OR following your plan consistently, odds are you’re getting tripped up somewhere along the decision making process. This looks like: When you’re believing these thoughts, you’ll either shut down, and stop planning. Or you’ll research all of the options, and throw yourself into confusion and more indecision. Or you’ll plan things the way you think you should, using someone else’s rules (instead of your own). All of these beliefs are like buying jeans that are too short and too tight. They don’t fit, you don’t feel comfortable, and it makes taking action challenging. This is why the skill of making decisions – confidently and quickly – is the number one skill you need when it comes to planning effectively. This is not something you either have or you don’t. You can develop it. It doesn’t take time; it takes practice. Real life practice. Failure avoidance is the real reason why most people are scared of making decisions. And scared of planning. You don’t want to fail at your plan (again). We’ll talk on Friday about how to handle this. Go out there and decide, implement, fail, learn and repeat. Use your OWN rules for planning – not someone else’s – using the same process. We’ll talk about how you’re spending your time now, how you want to be spending your time, and I’ll let you know what I see is tripping you up, specifically. Once you know what it is, you can change it. Immediately.Read More
Believing that you’re not doing enough will always lead to you doing “not enough.” Keep thinking it long enough and you’ll either be forcing yourself to keep going (this is exhausting and could be why you feel tired and you’re not enjoying creating your goal) OR you’ll give up all together. “I’m not doing enough” SEEMS factual. You have an idea in your head of what you should be doing. You’re not doing it. Therefore you’re not doing enough, right? Wrong. Stick with me. How do you feel when you think, “I’m not doing enough.” Defeated? Disappointed? Despair? Our emotions are fuel for our actions. So when you’re feeling these emotions it’s like putting water into your gas tank. You’re pumping liquid in but you’re not going to be able to drive anywhere. In terms of goal creation, emotions like determination and commitment are the fuel you want.Read More
Here’s why: 1. You’re trying to do too many things all at once. Our brain does not like change. It REALLY doesn’t like when you try to change everything all at once. It will fight you and when it’s you against you, you lose every time. Pick one area you want to change. Just one, and then go on to step two below. 2. You’re not writing out a step-by-step plan. One hack to get around your brain’s desire to stay the same, not expend any energy, and only do enjoyable things is to make the change very simple and very basic and very, very easy. 3. You aren’t evaluating. You’ve probably heard that you need to be consistent to create success. That’s only half the story. You need to be consistently doing things that work in order to create success. In order to do this, you need a process to evaluate what you’re actually doing (and not doing), and what parts are working (or not). If you know the way you’re doing things isn’t creating the follow through you want and you’re ready for some help, schedule a consult to find out what specifically is standing in between you and how you want to be spending your time.Read More
This is such a meaty topic, I want to start by breaking it down piece by piece so we can start to untangle this belief over the course of a week. Let’s start with some of the most common reasons why you might be thinking that you’re not doing enough: 1. You’re wired this way. Our brains love to think doing more is the solution for pretty much everything. What comes to mind is, “if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” Until you understand what the real problem is (your thoughts and feelings) you will always try to action your way to a solution. 2. You haven’t defined what “enough” is, ahead of time and on purpose. Since “enough” isn’t some tangible thing we can look up and measure, if left unexamined, we will always decide that our current “lack of results” mean that we haven’t done enough. 3. Our brains think doing = results. That’s not the case. Doing = a piece of a larger multi-piece puzzle that creates a result. 4. We as a society have been taught more is better. Therefore, if we don’t have the results more is the answer. 5. We think “being productive” is a badge of honor and if we’re productive, we can feel good. And conversely, if we determine that we’re being “unproductive” it means we’re a failure. Just like with “enough”, not only does “productivity” need to be defined, on purpose ahead of time it also really needs to be examined and untangled from your worth and purpose. Ok! That’s all for today. Tomorrow, we’ll talk about what happens when you think you’re not doing enough. Hint: it’s not so great for the longevity of whatever goal you’re working on! In the meantime, I’d love to know, which reason sounds most like the one you’re operating from right now? Tell me in the comments on let me know over on Instagram. P.S. If you loved this and want to take a personalized, deeper dive into why you keep believing that you haven’t done enough so you can finally stop believing it for good, I want to invite you to book a consult.Read More
Planning well is really simple, here’s what my process looks like: Get everything you want and need to do out of your head and on to paper Decide what you’re 10/10 committed to doing this week Decide when you’ll do those things Put those things into whatever calendaring/planning system you use And go!Read More