Decisions From Possibility
How to make decisions for the future you want
Why is it so hard to make decisions for ourselves that we’ve never made before? These are decisions that I would classify as "new decisions."
These can be anything from deciding to start exercising when you’ve never lifted weights in your adult life, deciding to use a calendar when you’ve never planned out a day in your life, or even deciding to follow a budget even though you don’t have a clue where to start. Or, investing in that course or that coach. All of these decisions feel really daunting and our immediate reaction is to say 'no.' Why?
We make decisions and we decide what’s right and what’s wrong. What’s “right” or “wrong” is based off of our belief systems from the past. Our brain looks to our past results to see what’s possible for us in the future. If it's something we've never done our brain clams up and says no. way. Not possible. Never done it before. Not interested! But why?
Our brain doesn’t like to create new thinking because new thinking, according to our lower brain, is hard and dangerous. Our lower brain really likes to be efficient. Thinking the same thoughts = efficient. A great example of this is: think back to a time you started a new job or took a class in school that was really challenging. You were probably very focused, grasping to make sense of things and at the end of the day - very tired. That’s because it requires new thinking.
When you go to make a new decision - ESPECIALLY one that you’ve never made before AND it involves money, time, effort and adopting a new identity, your lower brain is like lol no. This is definitely not a good decision. But the other part of your brain - the higher level, conscious brain that is thinking in possibility is saying YES.
Here’s where the pain comes in. In order to get new results you have to think new thoughts and make decisions from possibility, not from your past. Meaning you literally have to override your lower brain’s very well-worn way of thinking with your conscious brain to get to the new decision. Your lower brain will be telling you NO WAY. The whole time while you're considering your new decision AND in the aftermath if you take the leap and say yes to the "new decision."
However, if you say no, you'll feel relief. And that's where things get tricky. It feels good in the moment but what you're saying 'no' to possibility, to growth. Saying 'yes' to new decisions feels harder but it's so worth it. I firmly believe we are here to evolve and grow and become more of who we are. Notice I didn't say better. We're already 100% worthy - growth or stagnation doesn't change that fact, but that's for another post.
Making new decisions for ourselves is disorienting and scary, but it's unbelievably exciting, too. If you want to learn to get from where you are to where you want to be, schedule a consultation! It's totally free, fun and great practice at making new decisions for yourself!
Here’s why: 1. You’re trying to do too many things all at once. Our brain does not like change. It REALLY doesn’t like when you try to change everything all at once. It will fight you and when it’s you against you, you lose every time. Pick one area you want to change. Just one, and then go on to step two below. 2. You’re not writing out a step-by-step plan. One hack to get around your brain’s desire to stay the same, not expend any energy, and only do enjoyable things is to make the change very simple and very basic and very, very easy. 3. You aren’t evaluating. You’ve probably heard that you need to be consistent to create success. That’s only half the story. You need to be consistently doing things that work in order to create success. In order to do this, you need a process to evaluate what you’re actually doing (and not doing), and what parts are working (or not). If you know the way you’re doing things isn’t creating the follow through you want and you’re ready for some help, schedule a consult to find out what specifically is standing in between you and how you want to be spending your time.Read More
This is such a meaty topic, I want to start by breaking it down piece by piece so we can start to untangle this belief over the course of a week. Let’s start with some of the most common reasons why you might be thinking that you’re not doing enough: 1. You’re wired this way. Our brains love to think doing more is the solution for pretty much everything. What comes to mind is, “if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” Until you understand what the real problem is (your thoughts and feelings) you will always try to action your way to a solution. 2. You haven’t defined what “enough” is, ahead of time and on purpose. Since “enough” isn’t some tangible thing we can look up and measure, if left unexamined, we will always decide that our current “lack of results” mean that we haven’t done enough. 3. Our brains think doing = results. That’s not the case. Doing = a piece of a larger multi-piece puzzle that creates a result. 4. We as a society have been taught more is better. Therefore, if we don’t have the results more is the answer. 5. We think “being productive” is a badge of honor and if we’re productive, we can feel good. And conversely, if we determine that we’re being “unproductive” it means we’re a failure. Just like with “enough”, not only does “productivity” need to be defined, on purpose ahead of time it also really needs to be examined and untangled from your worth and purpose. Ok! That’s all for today. Tomorrow, we’ll talk about what happens when you keep believing that you’re not doing enough. Hint: it’s not so great for the longevity of whatever goal you’re working on! In the meantime, I’d love to know, which reason sounds most like the one you’re operating from right now? Tell me in the comments on let me know over on Instagram. P.S. If you loved this and want to take a personalized, deeper dive into why you keep believing that you haven’t done enough so you can finally stop believing it for good, I want to invite you to book a consult.Read More
Planning well is really simple, here’s what my process looks like: Get everything you want and need to do out of your head and on to paper Decide what you’re 10/10 committed to doing this week Decide when you’ll do those things Put those things into whatever calendaring/planning system you use And go!Read More
If you’re not doing what you say you’ll do, there’s a breakdown in one or more of these areas: Plan well Focus on the next task up on your list/calendar Expect to not want to do what you planned Know how to talk yourself into the doing the thing (more than just once!) Create a compelling why Repeat steps 3 & 4 until the thing is done Here’s what I want you to know: It gets easier. Being someone who follows through is both a habit you form and identity you create. The more you follow through, the better you get at planning. The more you follow through, the bigger the identity of you being someone who follows through gets. The bigger that identity gets, the less of a question and debate it is in the moment of whether or not you’ll do something. You’ll feel more energized throughout your day because the back and forth is what is currently draining your energy, not the actual doing of the thing. If you want to learn how to plan well and do what you say you’ll do, book a complimentary consultation call with me to see how coaching together can help.Read More
Do you want to stop procrastinating and get shit done? Good. You’re in the right place. Did you know there are (at a minimum) 28 main reasons why people procrastinate? Fear of failure, negative feedback, or making a mistake Task aversion due to perceiving a task as boring, frustrating, tedious, or too challenging Overwhelm Prioritization of short-term mood (picking the fun thing over the planned thing) The best news is you personally probably only use 3-4 main patterns of procrastination AND they’re all solvable at the thought level. Meaning, once you’re aware of the pattern, and what it’s creating for you, you can learn how to think on purpose about those tasks to create the result you want: doing the thing right away instead of procrastinating. Join me on a mini-session to learn what you can do today to stop procrastination, and start getting shit done.Read More
This is often caused by an underlying thought, “I don’t know the right place to start” or “I have to pick the right thing to start on.” We falsely think there’s a right or wrong thing to do in any given moment. We end up putting pressure on our decision which paralyzes our decision-making and our action towards getting something, anything done. Once you have the details (see solution below), make the best decision with the information you have in the moment. Get clear on the details by writing down everything that needs to get done today, decide on ONE place to get started, highlight that one item, and take a Sharpie to the rest (only do this Sharpie part in your brain). I love the visual of having everything that you’d like to do written out on a piece of paper, with the first item highlighted, and the rest blacked out in Sharpie. P.S. This is a magic Sharpie and after you’re done with the first thing that you highlighted, the next item gets un-Sharpied and highlighted so you always know what you’re focusing on in the moment. You’re arguing with reality. Even if there were an actual deadline that you missed, you’re still arguing with reality. You shouldn’t have been done with it because you’re not actually done with it. Our brains falsely think that if we should ourselves, we’ll somehow get it done faster. The only reason our brains want to get it done faster is because we think turning it in will make us feel better. This is because when you aren’t aware that your thinking is causing your feelings, you think your external circumstances are the cause your feelings. Therefore, we want to change and control those external circumstances to try to feel better. The only reason you actually feel better when you turn it in is because the unconscious drip of ‘should’ing’ yourself gets turned off. Should’ing yourself always feels terrible. 99/100, should’ing yourself produces a negative emotion, whether that’s overwhelm or feeling defeated or another negative emotion. And if you’ve read this post, you know that our actions are driven by our feelings. If you want to get that thing done now, or even today, you’re going to want to take more focused, decisive action from a place of commitment or determination rather than overwhelm because overwhelm generally creates inaction, rather than action. Join me on your complimentary consult to learn what you can do today to remove overwhelm, stress and anxiety from your life and achieve peace of mind and freedom to get exactly what you want. ⠀ Click here to sign up and discover how to overcome overwhelm.Read More
Waiting for your life to calm down before you start to work on your time management is like waiting to feel better before taking medicine. Once you learn how to manage your time then your life will calm down. That’s because you’ll know how to quickly plan your time in a way that makes it easy to follow through and in a way that gets easier every week. So much so you slide into a routine without even realizing it. And you aren’t going to miss or be caught off guard by appointments, or meetings, or events because the way you’ll plan captures all of the loose ends.Read More
Let’s start by talking about where overwhelm comes from. If you’re like most people, you think it comes from too much to do and too little time. Overwhelm is actually an emotion that is created by the way you’re thinking. And here’s how we know: Have you ever been in the same job as someone else and they’re calm, cool and collected and meanwhile you’re a ball of stress and overwhelm? That’s because they are thinking different thoughts about the same job. It’s easy to attribute their calm demeanor to personality but what is personality, anyway? Personality is defined as, “individual differences in characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving.” Usually these patterns are unconscious, but they don’t have to be. We can make them conscious by becoming the observer of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. And once these patterns are in your awareness, you can change them on purpose by choosing to think and believe different thoughts. This works because our thoughts create our feelings and our feelings drive our behaviors – what we do and don’t do. This is why trying to change your habits first, like creating to-do lists or waking up an hour earlier so you have more time to get things done, only stick temporarily and why they don’t solve for your overwhelm longterm. When you still have that unconscious programming operating in the background, you’re going to keep coming back to it. Until you’re aware of it, you can’t change it. It’s like when you leave a door open in the winter and your house gets cooler. The heat kicks on to bring it back to the set temperature. Your unconscious beliefs are your set temperature and they’ll keep bringing you back to what’s normal for you until you’re aware of them. If you want to uncover what your set temperature is and how to change it from overwhelm to calm, schedule your consult. On your call, I’ll ask you questions that uncover your unconscious programing that’s creating overwhelm, so you can be aware of it, and start to change it right away.Read More
One Size Doesn’t Fit All That’s why together, we’ll create your customized time strategy, using only what works best for you. With this tailored plan, you’ll be able to manage your time well and create a calm, organized life without the guilt. Simple, doable plan Impact plan Use Your Phone Less Lasting Habit Creation Simple Routine Creation and Implementation It’s Done – Calendaring Cyclical Time Management Future-Self Review Weekly Evaluation Instagram: Intentionally Radical Honesty: Planning Filter Flexible SchedulingRead More
Women have different barriers and challenges to managing their time well than men do. This doesn’t mean it’s impossible for us to manage our time well or easily – far from it. It just means as a women, you need a different approach than the advice you read out in the world because general time management advice was designed with men in mind. We put a lot of stock in what other’s think of us, of what we should do, of what is acceptable and what’s not. This leads us to looking outside of ourselves to decide what to do, how to act, which decisions to make We place other’s happiness above our own – whether that’s our kids or our spouse or our boss or our co-workers. It’s rampant We do things out of obligation rather than risk disappointing someone else. This is a variation of the above point. We would much rather feel frustrated or obligated or like a martyr than risk letting someone else down We seek validation and answers and approval outside of ourselves because we don’t know how to give it to ourselves, we don’t know how to deeply trust ourselves, and we think other’s might know better than we doRead More