Expectation Failure

grettascholtenMay 30, 2020

When you let yourself down.

I experienced this today and I was completely caught off guard because it felt like it came on in an instant. That's not what actually happened - I know the thought that caused it but when I was in the thick of it, it felt sudden. Instead of just noticing and being curious about how I was thinking and feeling, I perpetuated it by resisting the feelings I was having - first irritation, then self-judgment, then anxiety, and finally, pity. So fun. Yes, even with knowing how to process emotions and the practice of thought work, it's not all sunshine and daisies. You still have a human brain that will offer you really unhelpful thoughts when it's not being managed. AND those negative thoughts are ones you've been thinking for a long which means they're really easy to think. In fact, they often happen unconsciously.

Really, all that happened today is I had some thoughts about how I thought my day should go. When things didn't go as planned because I made a choice to not follow my schedule, and instead walk my dog, I made it mean all sorts of things about me. It seems absolutely ridiculous even writing it out now. The funniest part is, this is coming on the heels of some really big success for me - both in my business and in my personal life. I've achieved things that felt completely impossible 3 months ago, that I've been working on accomplishing for years. So why the freak out now? Why aren't I basking in all of the glory of achieving some major goals? Celebrating my breakthroughs? Well, because I have a human brain. And this is what they do. Why? Because there's part of me that doesn't know how to have the success. It's a new version of me that I'm not 100% comfortable in - even though it's a version of me that I've wanted to be for an incredibly long time. It doesn't make logical sense, does it?

But our brains. This is how they work! They are like whoa, whoa, whoa, we are really out there on the limb now. Our reality finally matches the thoughts and beliefs we've been working so hard to fully believe, which is why we have the result, by the way. But there's this last part of us that says, "this isn't who we are." And desperately wants to go back to being where we were. Our brain thinks it's more comfortable and a heck of a lot safer there.

So what am I doing now? I'm going to observe what I'm feeling with curiousity and without judgement. I'm going to notice it and let it be there and not buffer over it with using social media or reading the news - my 2 favorite buffers. I'm going to be kind to myself and notice the thoughts that I'm thinking. They will tell me what areas I need to deepen my belief in this new version of myself. I think I know a few, I have thoughts like: "it's a fluke" and "I won't be able to keep up this success." This is where my work is - understanding what I feel, what I do, and what I create when I think these thoughts. Stay there for a while until I fully understand and then I will decide on purpose what I want to believe about my ability to have my current success. I'll keep praciting that belief, on purpose, again and again. When I notice those old thoughts pop up, I will replace them with my new thought. That's it. That's the work.

If you want help with thought work or want to learn more about what coaching can do for you, schedule a free consultation! I can help you start creating and believing new thoughts - that's where all of the magic happens!

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