How to Feel on Purpose

grettascholtenJune 15, 2020

 

If you think emotions and feelings are fluffy and unnecessary, this post is for you.

Emotions are why we do, or don't do ANYTHING. Emotions drive our success, our failure, our willingness to try new things and it's what fuels us to keep creating the same life, over and over again. Emotions are everything. It's why the most important skill you can ever learn is emotional ownership. Emotional ownership is fully understanding that you are 100% in charge of and responsible for your emotional life.

When you fully know that, you'll stop blaming other people and circumstances and your past for how you feel. And, you'll stop taking responsibility for other people's feelings. It's all on you and it's all on them. You are creating every feeling for yourself by what you're thinking and so is everyone else.

The second thing you'll learn is the worst thing that can happen is an emotion, and emotions are harmless when we allow them. AND you are the one creating your emotions. You're in charge of how you feel.

When you know this and you're willing to feel any emotion - that's the moment when your life starts to expand. Think about it, if you were willing to feel rejection, shame, embarrassment or humiliation - on purpose - what new things would you try that you've been holding back on?

The problem is, most of us don't even know what we're feeling or that avoiding negative feelings are what's holding us back in our lives. We shove emotions down and we cover them up with drinking, snacking, social media, Netflix, TikTok - all in an attempt to avoid negative emotions. We're taught that we should be happy all of the time and if we're not, there's something wrong with us. We're taught that things should come easily to us and if they don't, there's something wrong with us and we probably shouldn't do that new thing.

Thinking we should be happy all of the time is one of the most pervasive beliefs and it can be so damaging if we buy into it. Once we stop thinking we're entitled to feel happiness all of the time, we open ourselves up to the possibility that maybe it's totally fine to feel negative half of the time, too. When we're open to feeling negative emotion and we don't make it mean we're flawed or damaged, we can start to allow ourselves to feel any emotion - especially the negative emotions, without additional judgement piled on top. The best way I know how to allow these feelings is when I notice them come up - I say, yes to them. Yes, shame. Yes, shame. Yes, shame.

If you're like me, you are typically saying 'no' to emotions. This is done subconsciously. We start to feel a negative emotion and we immediately resist it. Or, we might react to it by lashing out, or shutting down. Neither of those is allowing emotion. If you're processing emotion, you can be angry and no one would know. I don't mean because you've got a good poker face and really you're steaming on the inside. I mean, because you're angry and you're just present with your anger. The same is true with any emotion. Acting out emotion is not the the same as feeling an emotion.

By saying yes to the emotion, we allow it to be there. We are present with the sensations it creates and we let it be there without fighting against it. What we'll notice is that it passes through. If you make this a daily practice, you'll feel lighter than you have in a long time. Maybe ever in your adult life. You'll notice the benefits almost immediately. If you commit to a week of this practice, I can promise you you'll notice a change.

What would you create in your life if you were willing to feel rejected, or embarrassed, or humiliated? What would you try? Being willing to feel any emotion is the secret to success.

If you're ready to start feeling on purpose, book a consultation! It's 45 minutes of changing your brain. Let's go my friends.

 

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