Step One: Compassion
If you want to make a change, you have to start with self-compassion
It's a non-negotiable. You can't jump over compassion and create lasting change - it doesn't work. If you try to skip it, you'll make progress for a while, and then you'll crash and burn. Your progress day to day will start to become inconsistent. The more inconsistent you are, the more you beat yourself up. The more you beat yourself up, the less action you take. Before you know it, you're back in the same mental space as where you started. You're back to old behaviors and habits. This is particularly disorienting if you've had months of good, new habits. You think you've finally kicked those old habits, that old way of being. But if nothing changes in your mind, nothing changes.
I know this cycle all too well. Compassion is the piece like to try to skip over. It. Doesn't. Work. It's like being on a roller coaster. High highs. Really low lows. Confusion. And you just go in circles.
Instead of addressing the real issue - lack of self-compassion and lack of recognition that you're already 100% worthy, whole, and complete - you try to take more action, more effort. And the harder you try, the more entrenched you become. Just like a car stuck in the mud. You can't force your way to your goals. If what's fueling your action is self-loathing, or not-enoughness (not a word, but go with me here), you're going to burn yourself out.
The first step is to decide you're not going to tolerate being mean to yourself, criticizing yourself, or berating yourself for one second longer. It's a just a no.
The next step is being on to yourself or developing awareness for what exactly it is that you're saying to yourself. Notice when you make a mistake, or you're late, or you don't follow your schedule, or you eat off plan, or you snap at your husband, or you don't hit a goal. Anytime you fail to meet an expectation you set for yourself. How do you treat yourself in those moments? That is the best place to start.
Once you can hear what you're saying in those moments, gently but firmly remind yourself that you're no longer speaking to yourself that way.
If you're wondering: what should I say to myself in those moments? Something you believe. I'd recommend something neutral like, I'm a human and human make mistakes. It can be as simple as, it's OK. I'm OK.
If you're struggling with having compassion for yourself - schedule a free consultation.